Two roads diverged in a yellow wood...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood and neither will lead me out. One goes straight to the cemetery... so I am taking the other one. I will journey on as long as I can and hope for a successful surgery and a speedy recovery. Transplantation is not a cure. But if all goes well enough, it will give me the opportunity to live for several more years.

A few more years in these woods.

In an earlier post I mentioned the amazingly talented Charity Sunshine Tillemann Dick, who has had two double lung transplants. After her first double lung transplant she did everything asked of her. She took her medicines on time, avoided crowded spaces, and did everything suggested to reduce her risks of rejection and infection. But, when she went for a regular checkup, expecting a clean bill of health, she learned her body was rejecting her new lungs. She was angry. "I feel like I've done my time," she wrote in a blog post, "and I was looking forward to doing some more pleasant time in the the coming years."

Charity explained that even though we do something well or we get through something challenging, it doesn't mean the work ends or that there won't be other challenges. She continued, "While I might not be "out of the woods," there is more beauty and love inside of them than I could have ever anticipated." Charity is right. Even though the road has been pretty rough so far, I have learned so much and have met some wonderful people. And, since I will never be out of these proverbial woods, I won't mind setting up my abode here for the rest of my life. I'll have plenty of visitors and some great neighbors.

Impermanence

A friend recently forwarded an article to me. The article was about a woman who had a double lung transplant at Cleveland Clinic over a year ago and is doing fine. "Dreams do come true," my friend wrote.

Dreams.

Less than a year ago my dreams did not include a double lung transplant. Last year I believed my health issues would be worked out and I'd go on living my life as I had been. But, despite what I wanted, my busy life continued to drop away and left me with one goal...

To survive.

I hope to have the opportunity to create new dreams. If I am given a second chance at life I have to accept that the possibilities may not be what I wanted a year ago. After transplant I will have to get used to the idea of a life of impermanence. I can hold onto dreams but with a loose grasp and with no particular attachment to them. A different life. And, instead of being depressed or angry about what I can no longer have, or dream about, I will have to form a new life from what I would like instead.

Instead. And that is better than the alternative.