I'm still here. This is good. And, I'm still at home. Also good. A year ago I was in ICU and doctors were not sure how my body would react on the strong IV medication they were administering. Fortunately I did okay, and the medicine provided me several months to work my way through the testing needed for transplant.
I had some routine testing on Thursday at the clinic and saw my doctors. Testing revealed my breathing is worse, my oxygen saturation levels are lower, and my already failing heart is working harder. For the best recovery after surgery, I need to stay as strong and healthy as I can within my limitations. I also have to avoid sickness and infections of any sort because they could potentially make me lose my chance for surgery if lungs became available. There is no wiggle room. Any little thing could send me to the hospital and that is not where I want to be. At least not for those reasons.
I know many of you are standing by me, cheering me on. I totally appreciate it. I know it must get tiresome for some to keep making exceptions for me. I can tell some are getting tired of the wait and tired of me and I don't blame them. I'm tired of everything--the sickness, the exceptions, the waiting, the testing, and the difficulties. I feel like the last two years have been stolen from me. And in the last year, it seems more like I've just existed rather than lived. I'm on the sidelines... and it sucks.
I was ready to ring in the new year with new lungs. It didn't happen. But, I'm thinking 2014 is full of hope and potential. And, soon we will have a whole new reason to celebrate.
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