Live it up...

This weekend I had a visit from a childhood friend. It helped. I woke up more confident and focused this morning. She told me I have no choice but to "live it up" from here on out. I promised her I will do so... to the best of my ability.

I know what the statistics say. I know what the odds are. But, I must focus on being on the side with the best outcome and hope the outcome gets better the longer I can hold out. There are always new advancements in medicine and technology and better medications on the horizon. The intravenous epoprostenol I am currently trying wasn't even approved by the FDA until 1995. Since then it has given many patients an opportunity to live longer and for some, has provided the boost needed between diagnosis and a potential lung transplant. And, even though lung transplantation is an extremely complicated surgery with high mortality rates, there are better post-transplant drugs available now.

The weirdest thing is knowing I have a time limit. Sure, anyone can die at any time. Nothing is guaranteed.  But, to know I probably won't make it to see certain milestones is difficult to accept. This morning I read Living with death in the Guardian News, an article about four people sharing their thoughts on living with terminal illness. Holly Webber, who has cancer and was 25 at the time of the article said, "Sometimes I feel like I'm on another planet looking in on this one. I can't relate to people stressing about work.... People are so wound up, but it's such a waste of time and energy. Chill out! I hope that by reading this, someone out there will take a second to think, "I'm glad that's not me. Maybe I should worry less about the things that don't really matter.""

Like Holly, I am finding it hard to relate to the people around me. When I cruise through Facebook I find so many of my friends and family complaining about stuff that is so trivial. Or, things that seem like a crisis are really insignificant in the context of things. For the most part the wrinkles will fall out with a little time, and their life will go on just the same. People complain about their kids or their spouse... but what happens when they no longer have them in their life? People complain about things needing repaired, but what happens when they no longer have it within their capacity to repair things? People complain about traffic, but what happens when they are no longer able to drive or even manage public transportation on their own? People obsess about looks, clothes, and hair; but what happens when their body is ravaged by medication side effects that makes their hair fall out, their face flushed, causes swelling, and/or rashes on their body? People complain when they have a headache or get a common cold, but those too will pass. And of all things, people complain about getting older. What? Getting older is a privilege denied to some. To grow old... they should be thankful.