A friend recently forwarded an article to me. The article was about a woman who had a double lung transplant at Cleveland Clinic over a year ago and is doing fine. "Dreams do come true," my friend wrote.Dreams.
Less than a year ago my dreams did not include a double lung transplant. Last year I believed my health issues would be worked out and I'd go on living my life as I had been. But, despite what I wanted, my busy life continued to drop away and left me with one goal...
To survive.
I hope to have the opportunity to create new dreams. If I am given a second chance at life I have to accept that the possibilities may not be what I wanted a year ago. After transplant I will have to get used to the idea of a life of impermanence. I can hold onto dreams but with a loose grasp and with no particular attachment to them. A different life. And, instead of being depressed or angry about what I can no longer have, or dream about, I will have to form a new life from what I would like instead.
Instead. And that is better than the alternative.
I think approaching year one of a devastating diagnosis is troubling too. You spent the last year wondering, worrying...and you're still wondering and worrying. There is no end to it...the limbo. That, in itself, feels like a state of impermanence to me. How about you?
ReplyDeleteBut I agree....I can be angry or depressed, but only for a few moments. My grasp on angry is MUCH loser that it ever was, and for this small thing, I am thankful.